To: Satan, Chief of the devils.
From: Beelzebub, Lord of the flies.
Re: Millennium battle plan.
What follows is my report on the operation millennium battle plan. As you well know, our enemy is quite formidable. The constant battles with the Archangel Michael are extremely debilitating. The constant reminders of God’s love being carried to the humans by various Angels are a terrible and increasing problem. However, God’s weakness in giving humans “free will” is an area where we can reduce, to some extent, God’s willingness to interfere. Fortunately for us, humans are very weak willed and are easily corrupted. They are easily swayed in our direction by their lack of faith in our sworn enemy and their own belief that they have total control over their lives.
However, we must also acknowledge the ever-growing number of humans who are learning to use the name of Christ to expel us. As you will soon see, this is an area where we have great latitude. There is also a startling growth in the number of paranormal investigators and demonologists who have learned to identify our strategy and in some cases, to foil it. These people must be crushed under our feet lest they teach the world of our existence. We have almost eliminated the problem of the Church teaching the masses, as you will see. However, these people do not accept the idea of blind obedience of any other humans. Fortunately for us, there are an equal if not greater number of skeptics to shoot these people down at every turn. These skeptics have no idea they are doing our work and we must insure that this remain so. On the positive side, it is easy to plant thoughts in many of these people’s heads as they are so close-minded. To use a human term, it is like shooting fish in a barrel.
We must fight this battle on many levels if we are to remain successful. Due to your courage and leadership, you have managed to infiltrate the Vatican. This is by far your greatest accomplishment. This has worked so well that the Church of our enemy has actually convinced huge numbers of humans that we do not even exist! Those who have the most power over us actually do much of our work for us and to a certain extent, protect us. Combined with the ignorance of the humans, it makes it easy for us to corrupt them. Those who call themselves "Exorcists" still represent a major problem as they have the ability to inflict serious damage to our plan. However, through the efforts of our Vatican bureau, many of these dangerous soldiers are being hampered by their own unbelieving Bishops, who are refusing to allow them to go after us. They cite what they call the “New Church.” They teach that exorcism is a prehistoric relic that should best be buried away as an embarrassment. They are fools. This is one area where we have been extremely successful with our divide and conquer strategy.
Along this end, I have dispatched our Grand Duke and noted warrior Zeper as well as his 28 legions of demons under his command to continue to weaken, from within, the organized religions of the world. This is the greatest area of likely success. In the past, we have been successful by pitting their arrogant, self-serving beliefs against each other. There is no reason to expect less success this time. However, we must also attack on the lower levels of the Church as well. This too is an area of particular vulnerability for our enemy. Our most effective strategy has been to take advantage of their many human weaknesses and failings. Also, we have found that doubt works well. We must continue to make them doubt the existence of the God they claim to serve and even doubt themselves. Catholic schools did our work for us for many years by teaching the fools the concept of guilt as well as how unworthy they are of the God who loves them ceaselessly. Idiots. We must always play that card. We must always reinforce that sense of unworthiness, no matter how ridiculous the concept is. As we have seen over the centuries, this is an effective strategy. Furthermore, we must continue to disrupt their Masses wherever possible, especially when it comes time for the consecration of the Host. This is difficult for our lesser demons but we have countless numbers to throw at them. All they need do is create confusion and chaos.
We must also work in the area of politics. This is our easiest area of attack. In addition, it is the area where we have the ability to achieve our ultimate goal, destroying mankind altogether. As it stands now, we have many of our stronger demons in high places in many governments. We also have an adequate number of demons in various military positions. With the proper prodding, we may eventually be able to force them to annihilate themselves. Indeed, many are willing to do this in the name of God, if you can imagine that. However, it must be pointed out that this is a risky strategy. Michael and his legions fight us ferociously in this arena. Further hampering us are the warnings given to mankind from the mother of our enemy. Toss in the prophets and doomsayers who correctly point out our plan to end all life and we have a combustible mix. Instilling doubt has always worked wonders in this area. So too does twisting their focus to the material aspects of their lives, which diverts then from thinking too hard about the future. They are certainly vulnerable in this area. It is so easy to play on their materialism and their sense of self.
However, the main thrust of our attack must be fought on the individual level. We must always remember to create the doubt, chaos and confusion that these weaklings are so susceptible to. When a prayer to their God is not immediately answered, we must pounce on them and make them doubt the existence of their God or at least create the apathetic situation of doubting that their God, if he does exist, cares about them. If they only knew the truth, they could crush us immediately. However, one must never underestimate the power of doubt. What hurts us here is the ever growing number of Angels of the light sticking their celestial noses in matters of no concern to them. After centuries of merely sporadic appearances, they now appear to those lowly creatures quite often. Often enough, in fact, that the number of humans who now believe in them and ask their intervention are growing at an alarming rate. Those cursed Guardians are the worst of all. They have managed to give strength to even the weakest of the fools. This resurgence of the Angels has caused us considerable pain and heavy losses. For this reason, I have assigned Amon, our strongest prince to work on the Angel problem. With his forty legions of demons at his disposal, he should be able to mount a severe counterattack.
As we know, God has set up the situation where we cannot interfere with humans without some form of consent on their parts. However, their God, in an act of weakness the likes of which we would never allow, gave them free will to choose how they wish to live. Insane! They do not realize that their God will do anything for them, if only they ask. Our job is to insure that they do not ask. We must twist their free will at every possible opportunity. In so doing, we can make them open the door to us through their actions. Addiction, pride, greed, anger and lust all prove to be excellent entry points if only we apply a little pressure. They actually attract us to them. It is so easy.
Still, as always, our easiest point of entry is through invitation. Biffons, our most monstrous of demons has well used his 26 legions in this area. He has almost single-handedly revived the New Age movement. On bookshelves in most every store, we see conjuring books by the dozens. These fools invite us into their lives thinking we will do their bidding for them. How insane! It is almost embarrassing to look at. He has also successfully infiltrated their music where band after band sing praises to you, Satan. This has led to a revival of worshipping you! Groups, both organized and disorganized alike now cause torture and death in your name. How we have been able to swell our ranks through this means.
And, lest we forget, our easiest vehicle of entry: the spell book. Through this marvelous device, people are literally inviting us into their homes in droves. Biffons has convinced these fools that it is safe to use these books. Not only do they think it is safe, but they actually beg us to enter their lives. Do they not see how easily we will come to them? Have they not learned by now that we will always come in when asked but we will not leave until we so choose? At one time, the Church attempted to teach these lessons to them but alas, they no longer bother. Another victory for us. Ironically, their God will give them everything they need. All they have to do is ask and be patient. Fortunately for us, they are not patient at all. They want it all now! They are so easy to use. Now all we have to contend with are those annoying pests, the demonologists who are trying to pick up where the Church left off. Sadly, even though we make them pay a terrible price, both individually and through their families, they continue with their mission. The only thing that has worked for us so far has been the numbers of those who, because of us, do not take them seriously. Science helps us a great deal here as well. They come up with all these nice, scientific terms like psychokinesis, automatism and a whole host of medical terms such as schizophrenia, psychosis and the like to explain away our efforts. By the time they realize they are wrong, it is almost too late for them. Almost.
This brings us to our major problem. There are still too many Exorcists around calling on the name of Christ and driving us out of their miserable lives. Our only hope lies in the efforts of the notable legion chief, Biffant, who personally attacks these Exorcists and the annoying demonologists who summon them. However, he must contend with Michael and the other Archangels. Far too many of our lesser demons shudder in fear at the mention of Michael’s name. We lose far too many of our legions because of this. Even some of our strongest warriors such as Astaroth, Asmodaeus and Baphomet have struggled and lost to that vicious Archangel. If only we could have convinced him to join us when he had the chance. Failing that, we must take as many of the humans as possible.
We must press hard during the human holidays. Our personal favorite, Halloween, has always served us well. This is when so many of the humans pay homage to us. However, if we are to win this war, we must hit them during the holidays that mean so much to our enemy. Easter is a painful time for us. Just when we thought we had won the ultimate battle, killing the Son of God, we were soundly beaten. What should have taught them who had the ultimate authority and fatally weakened them, did, in fact, make them stronger. I need not tell you that we still have not recovered from that event. That is why we must always work hard during Lent so that we can reclaim some of the precious ground, which rightfully belongs to us. Then there is that other painful time, Christmas. The mere mention of the name makes me shudder. We thought our demon Herod had that child but he let Him slip through his cloven hooves. That miserable weak fool! He stands as proof that we should never send a human to do demon’s work. Possession is not enough. The eternity of torture which we have subjected him to is nothing compared to what he deserved for that failure. Still, we try hard to give you the ultimate present at this time of year, the possession of one of those miserable humans. This mission we will accomplish in greater numbers as we reach into the new millennium. We will go for broke now. There will be no holding back. Although demonic promises mean nothing, just ask our demons, I promise that we will win the war. It is our destiny. At the end of our 2,000 year reign, we will end the world. Those fool humans will not even see it coming.
C 1999 T. Cooney